Poem: Just Another Storm - Blizzard Sector

Cr187 · 09-19-2006, 02:22 AM

The shouts and the yelling
Makes me want to cry.
It makes me want to grow some wings
and teach myself how to fly.

I want to escape all this madness
it’s just another storm.
Someday I know it'll pass,
But someday just seems too long.

My mother’s cries and my father’s hits
Are driving me insane.
If I were to run from this,
Could I really hold the blame?

Escape is impossible,
it’s just another dream.
Another hope escaping
Through another rip in the seams.

And to calm my aching worries
To stop my long and painful cries.
I tell myself it's just another storm,
just one more that'll pass on by.

**Pamela** · 09-19-2006, 07:01 PM

Very moving.Poetry is all about getting the readers heart and emotions.
Very disturbing subject,however.You managed to use very good gramar and syntax...forming your thoughts well. I am impressed.A nice job sir!

**Frai7ty** · 09-20-2006, 07:35 AM

Reminds me of my life. Sad, but to me very moving.

**Pamela** · 09-23-2006, 02:28 AM

Oh really? Write some poetry! Ok let me go to *Mom Mode* When you express yourself writtenly,either online,in a journal,or in letters...it is a release of pent up frusterations,as well as anger.Explore this.I had a long running journal on www.emulatorworld.com ...It was visited and read over 10000 times and part of my daily habit to add to...but it served to help my daily life .
Putting your troubles down in a written form can help.Regaurdless of the format you chose. You share your life,you blow off steam,you make people smile ...this is a good thing. Share it however you wish. It is theraputic...and YOU are important...never forget that.

**Z3R0** · 10-16-2006, 05:07 PM

It was good. However, when writing literature, you want to pick a theme or topic that people can relate to and that people want to read about. You did good with the wording, but there were grammatical errors. I know typos happen but some people ignore grammer and go by what they think sounds right. That doesn't always work. Look at this edit and tell me what you think. I'm not clowning your literary skills, I just trying to help, in the literary world, grammer is more important than feelings.

The shouts and the yelling,
Make me want to cry.
It makes me want to grow wings,
and teach myself to fly.

I want to escape this madness,
It’s just another storm.
Someday I know it will pass,
But somedays just seem too long.

My mother’s cries and my father’s hits,
Are driving me insane;
If I were to run from this,
Could I really hold the blame?

Escape is impossible,
It’s just another dream.
Another hope escaping
Through another rip in the seams.

To calm my aching worries,
To stop my long and painful cries;
I tell myself it's "just another storm",
Just one more that will pass on by.

If you do not like this, then ignore it. However, notice how much more smoothly this flows. the less words you can use in a line the better. It needs to flow, not be a mouthfull. It is a good poem, keep up the good work.

09-19-2006, 07:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
Pamela Status: A Light in your Darkness Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Florida Posts: 5,318 Tournaments Joined: 0 Tournament Wins: 0 Credits: 382 Spent time on board: :0:0 Hours Rep Power: 16	Very moving.Poetry is all about getting the readers heart and emotions. Very disturbing subject,however.You managed to use very good gramar and syntax...forming your thoughts well. I am impressed.A nice job sir! __________________ A Light in your Darkness...always there...and burning!!

09-20-2006, 07:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
Frai7ty Status: Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Eugene, Oregon Posts: 424 Tournaments Joined: 0 Tournament Wins: 0 Credits: 189 Spent time on board: 3 Days and 4:42:33 Hours Rep Power: 3	Reminds me of my life. Sad, but to me very moving. __________________ Guide to Computer Themes

09-23-2006, 02:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
Pamela Status: A Light in your Darkness Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Florida Posts: 5,318 Tournaments Joined: 0 Tournament Wins: 0 Credits: 382 Spent time on board: Days and :0:0 Hours Rep Power: 16	Oh really? Write some poetry! Ok let me go to Mom Mode When you express yourself writtenly,either online,in a journal,or in letters...it is a release of pent up frusterations,as well as anger.Explore this.I had a long running journal on www.emulatorworld.com ...It was visited and read over 10000 times and part of my daily habit to add to...but it served to help my daily life . Putting your troubles down in a written form can help.Regaurdless of the format you chose. You share your life,you blow off steam,you make people smile ...this is a good thing. Share it however you wish. It is theraputic...and YOU are important...never forget that. __________________ A Light in your Darkness...always there...and burning!! Last edited by Pamela; 09-23-2006 at 02:42 AM..

10-16-2006, 05:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Z3R0 Status: Viva La Revolucion! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In your closet. Posts: 2,367 Tournaments Joined: 0 Tournament Wins: 0 Credits: 96 Spent time on board: Days and :0:0 Hours Rep Power: 7	It was good. However, when writing literature, you want to pick a theme or topic that people can relate to and that people want to read about. You did good with the wording, but there were grammatical errors. I know typos happen but some people ignore grammer and go by what they think sounds right. That doesn't always work. Look at this edit and tell me what you think. I'm not clowning your literary skills, I just trying to help, in the literary world, grammer is more important than feelings. The shouts and the yelling, Make me want to cry. It makes me want to grow wings, and teach myself to fly. I want to escape this madness, It’s just another storm. Someday I know it will pass, But somedays just seem too long. My mother’s cries and my father’s hits, Are driving me insane; If I were to run from this, Could I really hold the blame? Escape is impossible, It’s just another dream. Another hope escaping Through another rip in the seams. To calm my aching worries, To stop my long and painful cries; I tell myself it's "just another storm", Just one more that will pass on by. If you do not like this, then ignore it. However, notice how much more smoothly this flows. the less words you can use in a line the better. It needs to flow, not be a mouthfull. It is a good poem, keep up the good work. __________________ PremiumRenders.com ~ For All Your Render Needs

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09-19-2006, 02:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
Cr187 Status: Newcomer Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Green Bay Posts: 47 Tournaments Joined: 0 Tournament Wins: 0 Credits: 150 Spent time on board: 0:22:14 Hours Rep Power: 3	The shouts and the yelling Makes me want to cry. It makes me want to grow some wings and teach myself how to fly. I want to escape all this madness it’s just another storm. Someday I know it'll pass, But someday just seems too long. My mother’s cries and my father’s hits Are driving me insane. If I were to run from this, Could I really hold the blame? Escape is impossible, it’s just another dream. Another hope escaping Through another rip in the seams. And to calm my aching worries To stop my long and painful cries. I tell myself it's just another storm, just one more that'll pass on by.