Of the many people I was prepared to have been ted by, I never thought that one of those people would have been my father. Yes, the man that gave me half my chromosomes. The man that I'm supposed to be able to come to in times of trouble and doubt. The one thing he is doing that he shouldn't is betraying me, my trust, my sense of security and masculinity.

The family heirloom, a jade and ivory chess set passed down through four generations, was entrusted to me when I learned to play chess. I cared for it as another child my age would a dog or cat. I was getting good when I decided to challenge my father on one of his rare visits. After a sound beating from him, he convinced me into having it appraised. I, like a naive fool, trusted him. Off into the sunset he drove away, heirloom in hand. I haven't seen him or that chess set since.

After I was able to reestablish contact with him, he told me he had made plans to fly me to Arizona in the summer. I, seeing my schedule empty, readily accepted the invitation. Months flew past with me reassuring myself with conversation such as this:

"Son, I want you to know you mean the world to me. Come June I'll come swoop down, pick you up, and fly you to Arizona!", he planned.

"I can't wait to see you again! We'll talk about so much!" I whispered excitedly.

It was at this time I was head over heels in puberty. I was really looking forward to us unraveling the mystery of me together.

"You know you can trust me, right?"

"Yes, I'll always trust you. I love you."

"I love you, too, son."

Come May, I lost contact with him... again. Come June, I was stuck at home with a cynical aunt.

Living without my father has definitely changed the way I live. NO male influence whatsoever in my first nine years of life. After my mom died I lived with my aunt who held her tongue for no one. That's how I found out my father's track record with lies and deceit. Going through puberty as a male with no one to talk to but my aunt and this old dude she just married I don't know, is truly a roller coaster. Not knowing why things are happening that are so far from what I'm accustomed to. Questions only your father should have to answer not just some man...

Please leave questions/comments/flames/suggestions. All appreciated. My first story and 900th post.

Nice story. What I'm interested in is how you have showed that you are a strong person and have managed to pull through this, being affected as little as possible due to "problematic upbringing".

Everyone has their problems. I would not say that I had a "happy childhood with warm parents, etc". Our family used to be very poor, when I was much younger. As the Soviet Union folded and we became independent, careers were opened and people got new opportunities. Ever since, my parents have been working like animals, no time for children. I don't really see my parents anyway, since during the past 6 years, I've maybe spent around 12 months at home (boarding school in Switzerland, travelling, etc). In September, I am going to university in London, and since I got an apartment there, I will remain in London for most of the year. No time to see my parents.

It's up to you to become independent, live your life without being affected by childhood issues. I don't really "miss" my parents, since I never got very close to them. I find it better this way, get out of their way as soon as possible and let them get on with their own lives without having to worry about you.

Our stories are quite different, but all I'm saying to you is to be a man and dont let such things affect your life in a negative way.

Well, I'm only 14, so I'm still living the rest of my life. But that's a good idea for my next story, if I can pull up enough life by then. But as for now, my suggestion box for what else I can do RIGHT NOW is empty, so come shoot me... you might hit something.

Live your life to the best of your ability is the only suggestion that I can come up with. Try to ignore the negative things that have happened to you and just get by.