1.why do retirement homes give old guys viagra?
so they dont roll out of bed

2.this guy walks into a bar.he gets a beer from the bartender and sits down at a table with a group of guys.he finishs his beer and walks up to the bartender. he says to him "ill bet u $300 that i can put this beer bottle behind then bar close my eyes and p*** into it getting every single drop in." the bartender agrees and so he put the bottle down, closes his eyes and starts p***ing. he p***es all over the bar doesnt even get a single drop in the bottle. bartender starts laughing and says "you owe me $300". so the guy goes to table where the other guys give him a lot of money. he goes and pays the bartender and the bartender asks "why did those guys give u all that money?" and the guys replies "cuz i bet them $500 that i can p*** on your bar and u would be happy"

3.there are two guys:a rich guy and a poor guy, who are both married. christmas is just around the corner and they are discussin wut they are going to buy their wives. the rich guys says "i think ill buy my wife a car and some expensive jewelery, so if she doesnt like the car she'll like the jewelery and if she doesnt like the jewelery then she'll like the car." the poor guys think its a good idea and says he'll do the same. he thinks a while and says "i think ill get my wife a slipper and a dildo so if she doesnt like the slipper then she can go f*** herself."

4.this guy driving on the highway with his girl. she tells him every time he increases his speed by 10miles she will take off some clothes. so the guy starts speeding.20 mins later this guy is doing like 200mph and his girl is completely naked. the guy cant control the car anymore and crashes. the girl gets out of the car and finds her boyfriend stuck. she picks up the only thing she can find:his shoe and covers her p**** with it and covers her breasts with her arm. she goes to the side of the raod and gets a trucker to pull over. she runs up to him and says "my boyfriend is stuck can u get him out?" and the trucker says "once he's gone in that far i dont think he's coiing out"

enjoy everyone:D

lol the last 3 are funny

cool

took me a while to get the last one

me too man, last one hard to get

makes ya think....

One yall might like, teacher told me i while iwas in ISS.
Couple of Irish men were in a pub in Ireland, they had heard about the terrorist attack on the U.S and felt compelled to do something. They started talking of forming their own miltia and going to war with Iraq, on account of all the good old armericans killed. So they ask the rest of the men in pub if they wanna join the military and go kick the sh*t outta Saddam. They get forty men to join and one of 'em says, hey we cant just go kill the guy. Things have to be done right, we have to call him and Declare War with Iraq. One of the men looks up Saddam in the phone book, calls him and says Saddam this is the boys over at the pub, we wanted to let you know we are goin to war with you. Saddam pauses a moment and asks, well how many men you got? Forty was the reply. Saddam laughs well, Ive got 350,000 men and 600 tanks. The Irish man thinks a moment and says ill get back to you tomorrow. With that he turns back to his comrades and says we r gonna need us some tank killers and more men, bastard's got himself 350,000 men and 600 tanks. The men work all that night and call Saddam the next morning, well we got the boys from all the pubs around to join up and we got Ol' Tom Reiley's truck rigged up with a 30mm cannon and a flamethrower. I think we got all we need now. Saddam says while you were working I got 100,000 more men and a 200 plane airforce. You need more men. The Irish man hangs up and tells the crowd that they are gonna need an airforce. The Irish go over to the local airfield and work all night converting the planes into fighters. Saddam is called again the next morning and told of teh new airforce and the recruitment of another 500 men. To which he replies, I got 500,000 more men, and I am getting more tomorrow. The Irish man is a bit setback by this news, he collects his thoughts and tells Saddam, I dont think we can go to war with you after all. We cant take that many prisoners.

lol thats a good joke

somewhat stupid

i got one thats not bad:

2 business partners are in a bar talking and one guy says i think my wife is cheating on me do u know any way i can catch her? so his partner says thats simple.. buy a parot. confused the other guy asks hows a parot suppose to help? so the partner explains that just keep him at home and after work ask him wat happened that day.. so the guy says thats a great idea.. so he goes to a pet shop and askes the owner for a parot and the guy says we only got one left but hes kinda defected.. he lost a leg so he has to use his D*** to hold himself up.. the guy says its okay.. so he goes home and tells teh parot to watch his wife for the whole day. after he comes back home he asks his parot wat happened today..
so the parot says the milk man came..
what did he do?
he delivered the milk..
then?
then the bread man came..
what did he do?
he delivered the bread..
then?
the mail man came..
what did he do?
he started kissing ur wife.. then he took off her shirt.. then bra..
yea then what happened?
i dont know.. i fell down

eh that one was ok i guess and the earlier ones were pretty funny

i have a kinda funny joke...

This man and his wife ha been married for many years...they grow old and happy together...one day the mans wife dies and he cant deal with being alone. he dies shortly after of depression. the man finds himself in heaven and is face to face with an amazing angel...He looks around and sees that everyone is driving around and he asks the angel why. The angel replies. "everyone here has been judged on thier marriage and the car they recive is a result of thier faithfullness to thier spuse. See Mr.Jones over there?...he cheated on his wife several times...thats why hes driving that old car...and see Mrs. Smith...she cheated on her husband so much she drives that run down car...it constantly breaks down...now lets take a look at you...ahh youve been very faithful and never cheated on your wife...you deserve this brand new Convertible!"...a few days later he drives over to the angel looking kinda down. the angel asks, "do you like your car?"..yeah the man replies."then whats the problem?" asked the angel. the man replies,"well the car is great...its fast, and furiouse...but yesterday..i saw my wife and she was on a skateboard."

lol number 4 is funny as hell... easy to get... >_>

the last was the greatest