Neebs
05-01-2007, 09:59 AM
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use asurrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was toarrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, " Well, I'm off now. The
manshould be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographerhappened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale .
" Good morning, Ma'am," he said, " I've come to...''
" Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, " I've
beenexpecting you."
" Have you really?" said the photographer. " Well, that's good. Did
youknow babies are my specialty?"
" Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
havea seat.
After a moment she asked, blushing, " Well, where do we start?"
" Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
thecouch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
" Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harryand me!"
Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
wetry several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'msure you'll be pleased with the results."
" My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
" Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to
bein and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you wouldn't be satisfied with
that."
" Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
hisbaby pictures. " This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
" Oh my God!" " Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
" And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
" She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
" Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
thejob done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
agood look."
" " Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
amazement.
" Yes," the photographer replied, " and, for more than three hours,
too."
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had topack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. " Do you mean they actually chewed on
your,um, equipment?"
" It's true, Ma'am, yes.
Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tri - pod and we can get to work
right away."
"tri - pod?"
" Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tri - pod to rest my Canon on. It's
muchtoo big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was toarrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, " Well, I'm off now. The
manshould be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographerhappened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale .
" Good morning, Ma'am," he said, " I've come to...''
" Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, " I've
beenexpecting you."
" Have you really?" said the photographer. " Well, that's good. Did
youknow babies are my specialty?"
" Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
havea seat.
After a moment she asked, blushing, " Well, where do we start?"
" Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
thecouch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
" Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harryand me!"
Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
wetry several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'msure you'll be pleased with the results."
" My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
" Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to
bein and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you wouldn't be satisfied with
that."
" Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
hisbaby pictures. " This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
" Oh my God!" " Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
" And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
" She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
" Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
thejob done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
agood look."
" " Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
amazement.
" Yes," the photographer replied, " and, for more than three hours,
too."
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had topack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. " Do you mean they actually chewed on
your,um, equipment?"
" It's true, Ma'am, yes.
Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tri - pod and we can get to work
right away."
"tri - pod?"
" Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tri - pod to rest my Canon on. It's
muchtoo big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.