hellsing293

Gatsby’s dream of loving Daisy evaporates when he realizes that she could never be as perfect as he had envisioned her to be.(Lots of pronouns, try to replace 1-she and 1-he) Just as Daisy and Gatsby reunites(typo-reunite) after almost five years of separation from each other, Gatsby loses his dreams(dream~1 dream:having Daisy) of having her(Daisy). Nick echoes Gatsby’s feelings by saying, “Possibly it has occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light vanished forever” (93). All her perfection radiating in that green light is ordinary again to Gatsby. Gatsby realizes that his dreams are crazy. Daisy cannot satisfy him any more. Nick also points out, “There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumble(es) short of his dreams … not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion” (95). Men* habitually set down dreams for a perfect woman*, except that when he* finally finds her*, he* sees flaws in her*.(Needs subject agreement, all plural or all singular. Could change Men to A man, then change he to that man and change her to his perfect woman. Also, you might want to add the word perfection to the end of the sentence)It is as if he has blinders on when he is dreaming about her, but then they(What?~these blinders?) are removed when he finally meets her.(pronouns, clarify) This is certainly the case with Gatsby.(combine, delete period and he and continue with who realizes) He realizes his dreams are too high for even the perfect Daisy to fulfill. Another character has this problem, except this time her dreams are the opposite from Gatsby.(who)

**A lot of pronouns and confusing statements here. Try to clarify them a little more**

Myrtle’s dreams(dream) [are about] is to marry[ing] a gentleman who is wealthy and will(typo:willing to) take (sentence could work if omitted) care of her. The only problem is George Wilson (her husband) fails her, and this causes her to seek Tom. The only problem is George Wilson, Myrtle's husband, fails her. George's failure causes Myrtle to seek [another man named]~could add Tom. She(Myrtle) says that she thinks George is a gentleman, but then goes as far as to say, “he [is] [not] fit to lick my shoes” (35). She claims frequently that she has never wanted to marry such a man as George. Her dream is to marry a rich gentleman, and Tom fit(fits~present tense) the bill. Certainly these(omit) Dreams,(omit) of wealth and of(omit)having a gentleman for a husband,(omit) drive(drives~present tense) Myrtle to run away from her husband George and to(omit) seek Tom. In response to Myrtle's attempt to run away, George locks Myrtle up to keep her from escaping:(End sentence) she however(However, Myrtle) still makes a run for it (137)Is there a quote? Why did you cite this?. This(what? Myrtle's attempt to run away from George) shows how desperate Myrtle is in wanting to disengage from her husband. Her discontented dreams* drive her to seek a new dream*.(Number agreement) (The discontented dreams of Myrtle drives her to seek new dreams. ~or~ The discontented dream of Myrtle drives her to seek a new dream.)She runs away from George to seek her(in order to find a) gentleman and wealth(wealthy gentleman) that will satisfy her dreams(depends if you make it plural or singular above).

**This one took me a while. First of all, try to make all of the subjects(such as dreams of characters) agree in number within the sentences and paragraph.

Also, I tried to change some of the She to Myrtle. The problem is that you don't want to start multiple sentences with the same word and you start a lot of sentences with She. Try rewording other sentences I didn't mention that start with Myrtle or She in order to avoid starting sentences with the same word.

Dreams,(omit) of wealth and of(omit)having a gentleman for a husband,(omit) drive(drives~present tense) Myrtle to run away from her husband George and to(omit) seek Tom. Should read:

Dreams of wealth and having a gentleman for a husband drives Myrtle to run away from her husband George and seek Tom.~Sounds clearer**

Nick, Gatsby, and Myrtle all dream of obtaining and maintaining a great relationship.(great relationships~multiple people, multiple relationships) They all try and fail to achieve this(what?) ultimate satisfaction. Whether it is Nick not really(completely) having a dream to begin with, or(omit) Gatsby realizing that his dream could(was no longer) not be(omit) feasible anymore(omit), or Myrtle’s dream of marrying a gentleman, they all fail to understand that couples abandon each other when all (of) the dreams in a relationship dry up.(Very, very long run on sentence. I edited it, but I suggest breaking it up) When (a)newlywed celebrities or(omit~where do celebrities come into play? Also, a paper analyzing true relationships shouldn't include celebrities because those relationships are jokes) couples(couple) see(sees) that their dreams have diminished or disappeared, hopefully, they(the couple) will accept that fact. Sometimes(,) dreams simply do not turn out the way (a)couples (couple) wants them to be(omit). Even in the midst of all the gloom, (a)couples(couple) should not stop dreaming,(unsure about this comma) for this is(dreams are) their sole motivator(could add~to remain together)


**Sorry I took so long. I finished this one and will finish you're other one another time. Sorry, but I have a lot of stuff I have to do before Monday.

As for the Citations, I don't have my English stuff with me but I have a handout stating we have to include the author's name every time but I'm unsure how a college would want it. I know my teacher wants our class to cite the author every time.

I don't know if you know, but you should space twice after every sentence. I learned in typing that it is the correct way to space sentences.

Good luck and feel free to ask me any question about the revisions(I know it can look confusing)**

Ok, yeh in terms of citing authors, it can change depending on professor...er teacher...but yeh just listen to the above and the safest way would be to just post author for each citation. Forget what I said earlier.

In terms of spacing after sentences, once again it is up to the teacher's desired style; in secondary education some teachers said double space, some said single space. I believe most style books tell you to do one, and this is the strategy I have always employed around once I hit high school. To me, two spaces disrupt the flow of the text, but like I said before, it may be what your teacher wants.

I think the need for two spaces reaches back into the age of typewriters, when spacfonts were monospaced. Each letter took the same amount of space, so double spaces were needed to distinguish sentences from one another. However, in today's world, fonts on the computer are no longer monospaced, and spacing only once also saves space (especially in buisnesses like magazines/newspapers where space costs money). ~jedi

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As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....