Dead Dreams, Dead Relationships: in The Great Gatsby
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,”
(needs citation~Even though it's a good beginning, it still needs to be quoted if from the book) says the officiator. The crowd goes wild. The newlywed celebrities walk down the red carpet to the waiting limousine that will take them to the culmination of their dreams: the raving mad dream of having a relationship with each other
has been(is~present tense-can say is now) accomplished. In the ideal world, dreams stimulate relationships and add to the meaning of what one’s purpose is.
In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby however,(I would say: However, in F. Scott Fitzgerald'sThe Great Gatsby,) couples abandon each other when all the dreams in a relationship dry up. Nick Carraway, Jay Gatsby, and Myrtle Wilson all demonstrate this phenomenon
.(What phenomenon? I know you just stated it, but you must be clear. Just try not to make it too repetitive~This phenomenon of abandonment~) **With Commas: When words are in-between two commas, the sentence must to flow coherently without those words between them. Hence, the second comma after the book's title. I would move However to the beginning of the sentence because it gives more of an impression of your attempt/intention to refute your first claim (In the ideal world, dreams stimulate relationships and add to the meaning of what one’s purpose is.)**
The main character, Nick, never has a real dream toward Jordan. Even though Nick has a romantic engagement with Jordan, he fails to do anything about it. Nick claims that, “I [am not] in love, but I [feel] a sort of tender curiosity” (57
*). By saying this, Nick shows that he has no dream of ever being in love with Jordan. His
(Who?) idea for a dream is just to have a weird feeling towards her
(Who?). Society demands so much more than having a peculiar feeling toward someone
(Such as? What does society demand?). All throughout the story
(The Great Gatsby), Nick is given opportunities to achieve his dream of marrying Jordan, but older dreams keep getting in his way (58
*). Nick is trying to live two dreams: one that he has back at home and this one with Jordan. However, he
(Nick) does not have
a strong enough of a dream(awkward wording~Maybe drop of a)to drop the one he has going on back at home. Nick’s indecisiveness again shows that his dream is not strong enough. These two dreams eventually collide with each other, ultimately dooming his dream for a relationship
(with ______). While Nick does not
use(idk, do you use dreams? Maybe a word change~you already used fulfill. Maybe another good synonym. Accomplish?)his dream to marry Jordan, Gatsby permits the
dis appointment(1 word) of Daisy not fulfilling his dream to destroy him.
**With Parenthetical Citations, you must always do the following (Author Page Number). For example, ( Fitzgerald 79). Even though you already stated the book is by Fitzgerald, you must still include his name in the citations.
I added the names where I thought you should replace the pronouns. Pronouns aren't bad, but too many makes the paper sound vague and unclear. Try to add them in so it's clear but not repetitive(a little repetitiveness is better than being unclear).
I know I haven't done this yet, but I've been busy this week. I'll hopefully finish this for you sometime tommorow.